Monday, April 9, 2012

Back to Square One: Relationships

When i was younger, my mom used to tell me that i shouldn't worry about what everyone else is doing. i only know about me, and what's in my heart, and that's all i can really account for. Such simplicity in that statement, yet it seems to be one of the most easily forgotten. All i know is that I am sick of all the drama, all the unspoken words, the complexities of relationships. All i know is how i react to those things. How am i supposed to know that you didn't like how i reacted to something if you don't tell me? I think i'm just gonna go back to simplicity. I'll tell you how it is, and if you don't like it, feel free to tell me. Unless you say otherwise, i'm your friend. There's no reason not to be; I have no reason to dislike you. Growing up, my philosophy of people was this: No one is really ever "bad." Everyone has their own stuff going on, and they have reasons for doing whatever it is that they do. If someone is rude to me, they're probably having a bad day. I've never met someone who set out to be mean to someone or wanted to hurt someone else just for the heck of it. And somewhere along the way, something changed inside of me. I don't think that way anymore. That compassionate side of me has become very jaded, and now suddenly, it's as if i have enemies or allies, and nothing in between. but you know what i've realized? i don't like this perspective. Other than the fact that it's catty and immature, I feel more alone this way. My "enemies" dominate my thoughts more than my "allies" do. I hardly think this is how God intended for relationships to go. So why do things turn out this way? i have no idea. But, it's like my mom always said: you only know what is going on inside of you, and you are responsible for yourself. So, in response to that, I am resolving to let stuff go. I'm letting go whatever anyone else has every said that hurt me, whatever has ticked me off, or made me cry, and even the stupid things that i can't remember that have ended so many friendships i can't even bear to think about. I am resolving to go back to square one. No one intentionally hurts someone for the heck of it. Everyone has their own stuff going on. No one typically sees past their own problems into the lives of others, myself included. We are selfish people. But i resolve to do just that. Because isn't that what we are called to do? We are called to serve God. We do that through worship, through walking with Him, and in our relationships with others, and how we treat other people. I intend to try to mend these relationships that seem to have rusted away. Usually over dumb stuff. But just because we get busy with our own lives doesn't mean we don't care. Am i right? So yeah. That's it. Lol

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